I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
