Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
