saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
A+ Viking dick
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize