Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
