I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
