She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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