I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
