We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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