I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she pinky promised me she was 18
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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