I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I want a musical about memes.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
