I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
