Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
