Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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