yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
