Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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