No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
