o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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