i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Randomize
