That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You are the jesus of drinking
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
