Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
