you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
