Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
