Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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