is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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