the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
