I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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