I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
