I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
