Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
