Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
