Who wears a wallet chain?!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
