I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So vagazzling was a success
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
