I cannot find my penis.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
