Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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