i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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