perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize