Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
