OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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