tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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