Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
