I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
