cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Girls should come with a carfax report
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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