So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
