Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
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You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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