i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
