I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
