WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
