yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
