with your own penis?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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