I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
