I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
