It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
