The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
