So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
