Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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