He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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