The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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