I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
