Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
